hey it's been a while

Sorry guys, but I've been really busy picking up high school boys downtown. I like to go down there everyday and check out the talent. Actually, I've been doing something way less interesting/gross: going to the chiropractor, who, BTW, is a total H with a B who's A is N. I also went to the dentist and the doctor...also I took a nap. I've also been working on some small "projects," but I don't have much to show for it.



Today I graded a bunch of papers for my dad, and while doing so I saw no less than 15 high school girls who dress way better than I do. Awesome. But, I finally came up with a series-thing for my blog: lists! Don't worry, it's not going to be all lists, all the time, just a feature of sorts...like an advice column without advice. I don't know. I'm trying to think of personal challenges to give myself, but I think I'm way too boring...we'll see. I think I'll be reviewing some movies as well. And I promised comics...fuck. Maybe my blog will just be daily posts about how great my blog will be someday. maybe not. Anyway, expect the first list now!



Here is a list of the top 10 places you don't want to go in Bend because they are scary or awful.

• Bi-mart-I actually like Bi-Mart, it's the location that's the problem. Not only is it within walking distance of #9 on this list, but it is surrounded by feral cats. Unless you park on the left side of the building, you would never know the cats were there. I don't know how many cats there are, but I would guess the number to be somewhere around 15. Yeah.


• Garage Sales-Everyone knows that garage sales in Bend are 90% golf balls/car parts/baby clothes/teeth, 5 % commemorative cups, 3% a Capella tapes, 2% interesting stuff, and 100% over priced. Throwing a bunch of old Pole, Peddle, Paddle t-shirts on your front lawn and charging $8 a pop is not a garage sale. It just isn't.


• Hot Box Betty-I've only been in there once, but the prices made me want to vomit.


• Priday's- For a very long time, Priday's was a mystery. No one knew what it was. A restaurant? Kinky sex club? Cabinet store? Airplane accessory store? petting zoo? It took years to find out, but finally somebody told me it was a real estate place. Sorry Priday's, but that just doesn't make sense. All of your windows are boarded up, and there are several cryptic hand written notes on your front door. In my heart you will always be a gentleman's foot fetish club.


• Wall Street Guitar-Dicks. A bunch of motherfucking dicks. All of them.


• Seven-A bar in Bend...it used to be a different bar called the grove. I never went into the grove, and I've never been into Seven, but the clientele hanging out front is enough reason not to go in. A co-worker tried to tell me that a bunch of rich real estate guys go there, and it's a great place to drink and get GHB'd, but last time I checked you don't have to be a rich real estate dude to tell girls that's what you are.


• Wal-Mart- It's just so depressing, and the parking lot is SO big.


• Old Mill-Sister, I could write a whole book about why you should stay away from the old mill, but instead I'm just going to give you two reasons: Red Robin and 13-year-olds.


• Imagine That!-It sounds like a scrap booking store...or maybe a toy store...well it is a toy store...it's just a real creepy looking adult toy store. Real creepy.


• Any of the Video Poker/Deli places-I don't think a combination video poker lounge/deli warrants any further explination.