Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Hey guys
Monday, February 1, 2010
This may be the most important thing you read all year
S- Stand up at the cash register. Do not sit down on the floor.
M- Make words with your mouth, like 'hello' or 'milk shake.'
I- Imitate the customer. It let's them know they're in a fun and friendly environment.
L- Lie to customers. They'll love it.
E- Ensheathe people. Because it sounds kind of dirty.
Y- Yell at customers. It helps keep the line moving.
W-Weep openly. It's unhealthy to hold in your emotions, especially at work.
I- Invite customers to your house. It makes them feel like they're part of something special.
N- Never underestimate the power of good communication skills, and never forget those skills are inappropriate in a retail environment.
K- Keys to success are always within reach, unless you're a woman and you work at Wal-Mart. Then you're fucked. Big time.
S- Shit talking. You will spend 98% of your time shit talking fellow employees, managers, and customers, so get really good at it.
So there you have it! SMILEY WINKS. An easy and fun to remember acronym that prepares your employees for all the joys and sorrows of retail. Good luck, Salvador Hanks, though with the SMILEY WINKS program, you probably won't need it.Thursday, January 28, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
hey it's been a while
Today I graded a bunch of papers for my dad, and while doing so I saw no less than 15 high school girls who dress way better than I do. Awesome. But, I finally came up with a series-thing for my blog: lists! Don't worry, it's not going to be all lists, all the time, just a feature of sorts...like an advice column without advice. I don't know. I'm trying to think of personal challenges to give myself, but I think I'm way too boring...we'll see. I think I'll be reviewing some movies as well. And I promised comics...fuck. Maybe my blog will just be daily posts about how great my blog will be someday. maybe not. Anyway, expect the first list now!
Here is a list of the top 10 places you don't want to go in Bend because they are scary or awful.
- Bi-mart-I actually like Bi-Mart, it's the location that's the problem. Not only is it within walking distance of #9 on this list, but it is surrounded by feral cats. Unless you park on the left side of the building, you would never know the cats were there. I don't know how many cats there are, but I would guess the number to be somewhere around 15. Yeah.
- Garage Sales-Everyone knows that garage sales in Bend are 90% golf balls/car parts/baby clothes/teeth, 5 % commemorative cups, 3% a Capella tapes, 2% interesting stuff, and 100% over priced. Throwing a bunch of old Pole, Peddle, Paddle t-shirts on your front lawn and charging $8 a pop is not a garage sale. It just isn't.
- Hot Box Betty-I've only been in there once, but the prices made me want to vomit.
- Priday's- For a very long time, Priday's was a mystery. No one knew what it was. A restaurant? Kinky sex club? Cabinet store? Airplane accessory store? petting zoo? It took years to find out, but finally somebody told me it was a real estate place. Sorry Priday's, but that just doesn't make sense. All of your windows are boarded up, and there are several cryptic hand written notes on your front door. In my heart you will always be a gentleman's foot fetish club.
- Wall Street Guitar-Dicks. A bunch of motherfucking dicks. All of them.
- Seven-A bar in Bend...it used to be a different bar called the grove. I never went into the grove, and I've never been into Seven, but the clientele hanging out front is enough reason not to go in. A co-worker tried to tell me that a bunch of rich real estate guys go there, and it's a great place to drink and get GHB'd, but last time I checked you don't have to be a rich real estate dude to tell girls that's what you are.
- Wal-Mart- It's just so depressing, and the parking lot is SO big.
- Old Mill-Sister, I could write a whole book about why you should stay away from the old mill, but instead I'm just going to give you two reasons: Red Robin and 13-year-olds.
- Imagine That!-It sounds like a scrap booking store...or maybe a toy store...well it is a toy store...it's just a real creepy looking adult toy store. Real creepy.
- Any of the Video Poker/Deli places-I don't think a combination video poker lounge/deli warrants any further explination.
Friday, January 15, 2010
By the way...
Today Was Great.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
My weird leg thing & an evening with Finn Riggins
The real point of this post is to talk about Finn Riggins*, the band. Last night they played a show in Bend at Mcmenanenamins**, a place I generally dislike for several reasons, but seem to wind up at all the time. I'd never actually heard their music before, but the concert was free, and since I hadn't gone out in about a month, I figured, what the heck. And, boy I'm glad I went! I had fun! Yay!
So, dude was skanking, babies was sleeping, and the rest were respectfully but off tempo-ly clapping.
So what else??? It was fun! The dude with the mohawk made his girlfriend 'skank' with him, and it was the most awkward thing ever. It's kind of like when a person is holding a cat that really doesn't want to be held, but the person won't let go of the cat, and even though that cat really wants down, it won't scratch the person because of social conventions and the fact that the cat kind of wants people to think it is super uninhibited and that it dances/is held in public all the time. Does that make sense??? You're absolutely right it does! I kind of felt bad for her, but bitch should have known what she was getting into. HE HAS A BLEACH MOHAWK. GROSS. Fuck, what's my point?! My point is that Finn Riggins was really good. Why? Because all three members were really into it, they sounded great, and their music fondly reminded me of the 1990s (in a good way), mates of state, and other good things. Also, they seemed like nice people. So, they were pretty great and fun.
Unfortunately, I had to leave during intermission because I had to be at work at 7 AM today, and also my companion fell asleep. I would have liked to stay, but I'm 85 years old, so I can't stay out after 8:30 PM. Well, I think this passage is long enough, and I've used enough non-existent metaphors for one day. Plus I'm trying to watch Hobson's Choice, whatever that is!
Coming soon...
Adventures in house sitting! Just like Adventures in Babysitting, but instead of children there is a house and a dog...and some cats! Enthralling!
a litlle picie
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
A blog about Bend? bleh.
Though Bend was not my first, second, third, nor 30th choice, I had no money, no job prospects, no real "skills," and no magic to get these things! I don't know if you've heard about this or not, but we're in a recession, and it took me two months to find a job, but it's not a good job, it's actually a terrible retail job that sucks the life out of me and makes me want to hurt myself and others. Boo! So at the suggestion of my mom, who makes all my life decisions, I am blogging about stuff so that other stuff doesn't make me do bad stuff to myself or to other stuff.
So, what is this blog about? What is included in this blog? Why do people make blogs? What is water made of? What do all these questions have in common? None of them have an answer! See, now we're learning stuff. I have, however, come up with a list of things that are probably going to appear on this blog:
- Stuff to do in Bend
- Annoying people who annoy me
- Lists!
- Movies
- TV
- Music
- Musings!?
- Outdated references
- Challenges I give to myself
- Reviews!
- More Musings!
- Stories about cats
- Things I wish to own
- History!
- Soda, and when to drink it
- Comics
- Food reviews
- Guns*
- Footnotes
- And that's probably enough!
So please, read this blog. I'm going to update it as often as possible, which considering the fact that I don't own a computer, is only going to be about once a day.** Alright friends, I think it's time for me to go because my leg is doing a really weird thing today. What kind of thing???? Well, you'll have to check back tomorrow to hear that borderline interesting story!
*No, it won't
**Until my parents loan me money to buy one!